We take great pride in knowing that those of you who log on each day are confident in what they are reading is the truth. What better way to pay for a subscription to get the best insight in what's going on then getting' online and going to a message board where you can air out your complaints without repercussion.
HA! Remember, I'm part of this thing too so there will always be repercussion. So, now I'm going to slowly ease you into why I am the way I am...in a sense.
At the ballpark, at the stadium, in the dugout, in the clubhouse, on that mound, I'm at ease with the game of baseball. My actions in those places contradict what I have just said and I'm going to try to explain, not condone my actions, but to further help you all realize that that was who I was.
Over the past fifteen years, baseball and my family have been there for me always. So many times those two things were hurt, jeopardized, and somewhat tampered with.
I have always had the burning desire to play in the big leagues. My family has always supported me in everything that I have ever done.
I have been given every opportunity to succeed in not only the game of baseball but in life. Each time something great, paths of potential greatness have been right in front of me, there had been one thing that has hindered or slowed those things down. I play baseball not only because I love it, not only because my family has sunk every ounce of energy, dollar, and heart into it, but also because I believe that this is and always has been my destiny.
The burning desire and fight inside of me to succeed not only for my family and for me, sometimes is jaded in light of my ability to control and channel those things in the right direction.
To me, giving up hits with an 0-2 count is not ok. The one thing I've done all my life is play baseball and to not be able to execute flips a switch in my brain and my heart to make myself believe that I have failed. I do not like to fail. This is a game, and games are supposed to be fun. As one of very few people who get the opportunities to do what I get to do, to me it is not ok to have those brain farts in the middle of an inning. To let the eight other players on the field, my coaching staff, and my family down, can happen even with the slightest mishap is not ok.
In high school, if you all can remember that state championship game – I tell you it will never leave me. That feeling of the work put in by those other men and for it all to be taken away by one bad decision, is basically the story of how my heart and mind went from over the line intense, to dude, control yourself and grow up.
There are so many things in my life and in this world that have more significance than just the game of baseball, and over the past eleven months or so, I have slowly begun to realize that progression and moving forward solely lies with my ability to see things for what they are, not to read into the things that possibly could be a negative, into a demanding urgency of resistance of failure.
I'm very passionate about a pitch that should have been called, or an inning that could have been escaped, if I had only seen it for what it was. I have had so much help along the way, from my loving girlfriend and her family, my entire family, and friend's and fans, especially here at MadFriars, and my newly acquired best friends in that of Zucker Sports. I firmly believe that with a support system with such a significant amount of love, respect, and honor that I have with them, there is only one way to fail.
I've realized over the course of my life of baseball and outside of baseball that I am the only one who can control what's inside. Everyone around me knows what I can do, to an extent, because I have never let myself be the player, the person, and the role model I know I am.
IT'S THE LITTLE THINGS. NO, THERE ARE NO LITTLE THINGS.
Every step I take out on that field and in my life is one step closer to my dreams, and to downplay them so that I can try to relax, or whatever I've heard over the last 24 years. My goals and my dreams are very big to me and everything to me is a big thing.
I am approaching, if not there now, the realization that I can be who I am, play how I know how to play, live how I know I want to live, and do it in front of all the naysayers and my support group with the confidence that I will be doing them right.
I am a reflection of my support group and I will not accept anything less than greatness because everyone else can see it, but you all haven't seen anything yet. A crazy Sean is fun and exciting, but me, now, a controlled Sean, is fun, exciting, and trust me, you will forget the other as I have. I'm going to end this right now, but I still feel that I haven't really expressed my entire desire, so, to be continued...